you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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