My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
