I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
