i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
