just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
