Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
