Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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