he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
