I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come see our sink grown plant.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
