Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
