So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
