Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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