It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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