Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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