I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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