even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
