This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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