I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
