I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize