its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
