Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Come see our sink grown plant.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
