the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
