wrigley field is MILF paradise
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
