Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize