Can Purell be used as lube?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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