It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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