she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
