wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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