In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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