Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
