hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
