i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
