We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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