2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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