She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize