I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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