I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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