Can i not drive my cunt home
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
