God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
