im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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