the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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