I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
