:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
