smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Randomize
