I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
