he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
