I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
