you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize