is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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