My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
