Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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