just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
