Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Help. Why am I so naked?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
