We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize