see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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