he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
