Your face is a jimmy john
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
