If that was your dad, he is hot
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
