im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
