actually, I'm a sock model
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
