I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
