the condom got lost in my hair
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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