I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize