This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
