i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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