He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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