I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
