you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
