so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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