Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
